How Sex and the city destroyed my life!

Teaser poster for 2008 film, Sex and the City:...

Image via Wikipedia

Now the title may be a slight exaggeration, but still, let me run this theory by you and then you can let me know if I am making sense or not!

This observation was made by a friend of mine, but it has taken me a while to except it. But here are some pointers that I now present to you to point out how “Sex and the City” has ruined my life!

“Come what may, we would always be friends!” Bad Bad Idea! That only happens in the show! Once your girl friends have their men, they would disappear faster than the latest baggy jeans fashion!

As soon as they are married, their priorities change.. don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I don’t understand that your whole life has changed, but to ditch your friends, and all of a sudden being completely unavailable at all, just doesn’t make sense.

I guess that only happens in the drama ha.. where you can take out time for each other every Saturday (or was it sunday) morning for lunch! *SIGH*

And let me break another myth people! Mr. Big! Continue reading

Of Marriage and Men!

Marriage is definitely tricky! Everyone is looking up at you. You are made to be all dressed up and then put up on a pedestal for aunties to look, and cross analysis everything from how you and your guy look together, to the last pimple that you had hoped the gazillion coats of foundation (or is it a concealer???!!) would be able to hide.

But a Pakistani so-called-made-in-heaven match (read the annoying relative of your 4th cousins husbands sister’s mother-in-law) is like a lake full of crocodiles. One wrong move, and your are KABOOSH!

I remember a relative of mine once advised me after I joined a co-ed college to never let a guy realize that I knew anything about sex, since they would get the wrong idea about me! They would assume that I have done these things that’s why I know all about it! When I shared this almost-motherly advice with a friend, she actually agreed with it. So the next time she was with her bf, she acted all innocent (read dumb) about what condoms or sex enhancer are! I, however, came to the rescue (or not) of my friend and declared loudly “What are you even talking about? You told me what these things are!”

I mean come on! Who are we kidding here? My sister knew more about these sort of things than me. Every 6th grader knows about it now. We come from a generation that has been touched by “Sex and the City” and still we are expected to continue with these charades?

Sex and the City

But the truth of the matter is that we do continue with these games. A recent discussion with a too-be-happily-married-friend left me in an utter state of shock. As she sat talking about whether to get ready-made or custom-made furniture, I suggested that maybe she should worry about the more important things about marriage, “Have you guys discussed whether you would wait to have kids or not”. Her answer was a prompt “NO”.

Life after Marriage!

It was at that point that I realized that we as Pakistani girls are mostly – MOSTLY- required to play this particular role in a wedding. We are supposed to be the dumb made up Barbie dolls, who are to worry about their little doll house then to worry about any of the real stuff that is part of a Marriage.

Another discussion with a friend revealed how they never discuss things like sex in a marriage. How when and how to have sex is the decision of the MIGHTY MEN, and girls who ask about it are considered to be out of their league, or worst, of having “experience” before their marriage.

If my educated, friend, who is marrying a guy that she liked and knew before her soon-to-be marriage, then how am I to expect that my dumb bimbo-headed 18 something neighbor, who probably didn’t even have a choice about who she marries, would ever share with her husband her choices of when to have a family, or even when to have sex?

Why is the Pakistani girl a passive person that should have no say.. or to have a say is equal to being labelled? Why can’t she say when or how to have sex?

It is not that hard to get, is it? A woman is just as sexually active (if not more) as a man! And she every right to say, “No I don’t want a family right away, so make sure you have a condom in your pocket the night we get married”

Change is inevitable… But did I have to realize it because of a WEDDING?

It could have been the scene from “My Best Friends Wedding” ..you know the one when Julia Roberts falls off from the bed… but that is how I truly received the news of my best friend – my only girl best friend’s engagement (Thank God for the fact that I was already sitting on the floor) . The state of my mind changed quickly from Puzzlement over her random one liner message (“I am getting engaged ;)”) , to pure shock to joy and amusement and happiness all combined together to complete depression by the night!

Till the pre-depression time, I was only thinking about how much fun a close friend’s wedding can be, the shopping it would involve, about how she had faced all the pressure that surrounds a single girl in her particular community and despite all of that, getting a degree in the field of her choice (Dentistry – but to be honest it is becoming such a drag now.. it is almost impossible for anyone of us to open our mouth without having her find some errors in our dental hygiene), and then finally making it through with the guy that she liked without any drama from her or the guy’s family! I was am truly happy for her!

Come night fall and my brain was screaming to me “OH MY GOD SHE IS GETTING MARRIED”.. it was as if my brain was doing its own version of our channels “Breaking News” telecast. And it was at that point that I realized that nothing would be the same again. Continue reading

Girls Psychology Part 1

My previous posts might have given an impression that I am a men-hating, men-bitching sort of a person who can find faults with them and everything else that they do. So maybe the impression so far has been that I am a biased person who has a war against the “men”kind.

And thus to prove to the world that I am, in a fact, an unbiased person who can be neutral and has the capability to find faults with everything, this is the new section that I have started.

The truth of the matter is that this section is a result of a conversation I heard of two girls as I was walking towards class and I realized “God.. they can be worse than guys” And thus I owe a great debt to them for this. Thank you.And now for the conversation that the two girls had that would reflect the psychology of the girls in our society.

Lets call them Miss A. and Miss S, both of them are textiles students at the the University of Karachi, aged around 22, and by the looks of their conversation can’t wait to get married. Here is more or less how the conversation went.

Miss A: My mom can’t wait to get me married.

Miss S: You don’t mind getting married.

Miss A: Well no… why would I? See my mom was saying that she will start looking for husbands for me since I am still of the age where it is easy to find (read trap) guys for marriage.

Miss S: What about Madeeha ? (Miss A’s older sister)

Miss A: Well she has crossed the age (she is only 4 years older making her 26) so its so difficult to find a guy for me so my mom and me would rather focus on getting me married.

WHAT KIND OF A PERSON TALKS LIKE THAT ABOUT THEIR OWN SISTER? OR MORE, WHAT KIND OF AN EDUCATED SOCIETY ARE WE THAT STILL THINKS THAT 26 YEAR OLD IS AN OLD AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Lets do the maths shall we? Although the stats of Pakistan hasn’t been changed for ages but people do live up to be 80 on an average, which means if girls are getting married at the age of 20 that means that they are married for 3/4 or 75% of their lives, if they are getting married by the age of 30, they are married for almost 63% of their lives, which is still more than half of their life that they can spend the way they want to single and free. So why is it that we still go on to judge a girl if she is, God forbid, not married by the age of 26?

And person who is in a professional field would know that this is how long it takes to be a doctor, an engineer, or to make anything out of yourself in a professional field. So then why is it that people who are in the field, especially girls, would not only judge others but also their own sisters.. SHAME SHAME!