Cyber-Abuse .. is that a word even?..If not, then it should be..

It seems like that nowadays all sorts of weird happenings are happening to me… ya ya .. I know I am giving into the victim mentality.. but I really don’t give a damn right now.

I was cyber-abused yesterday.. now I don’t know if that is even a real world. and if it is not then it should be.. A guy messaged me on FB….and he is being all nice… oh no wait.. let me copy paste it all for you here

HIM: knock knock 😛
ME: whose there?
HIM: I m a captain planet 🙂
ME: are u kidding me..
HIM: what makes u think that i m kidding 🙂
ME: lamest reply ever
HIM: well i m ali from karachi
ME: varda here
HIM: kool.. hey add me up on facebook
ME: no.. i dont know you! and i m not very keen on adding strangers
HIM: ok .. i m sorry
ME: so who r u
HIM: I m ali .. I m a software developer living in karachi and i m 26 years old.. and how abt u ?
ME: student of architecture.. 24.. workin on my thesis. how did u find my profile
HIM: randomly selected you ..
ME: how lucky are my stars
HIM: i m cancer and ur star : cancer too right 😛
ME: yes 🙂
HIM: koool 🙂
ME: so what are u into
HIM: Developing 🙂 and you?

What to do when a friend gets a GF?

People, I have had a pretty simple rule for most of my life.. and now let me take this opportunity today to share it with you. The rule for always has been

“WHEN A FRIEND MALE FRIEND OF YOURS GETS A GIRL FRIEND….. RUN!

Yes, I realize that there would be many of you out there ready to come to put your case against this statement of mine… I mean you and this certain friend of yours have been such good friends despite you/her having so many relationships..blah,blah,blah…. but well I really don’t care for your opposition.

My experiences have told me from time and time again that it is the worst.. no correct that… THE MOST WORST IDEA .. that you would ever get in your life.

And the two times that I decided to throw this rule of mine out of the window and continue being normal.. and avoiding caution.. with my friends who have recently gotten “their own life” has serious been a disaster.

Take the events of today shall we? I ran into this great friend of mine.. I mean i hadn’t seen him for two weeks because he is now working and the last two Saturdays because of unavoidable circumstances we were just not able to meet each other. but today apparently he gets off of work early.. and if I was smart enough I would have taken the fact that his girl.. who also works.. is also hanging out around the university as any hint, I might have avoided a confrontation.. but alas.. I m not that smart. and  I didn’t get the hint.

but lets back up a little and let me tell you the whole story in its most minimal version ..  Continue reading

Of being Gay (In the most sexual manner)

Rainbow flags at the end of the gay, lesbian, ...

Flags at a Gay, Lesbian and bisexual Parade. Image via Wikipedia

A friend of mine recently commented to me

“How do you expect to find a straight man when you are so friendly with gay people?”

Now I would not have been surprised if she had said:

“How do  you expect to find a man for yourself when you are always hanging out with guys whom you call your friend, since any other guy would assume the obvious since they are that stupid and idiot?”

What is it with people and this huge deal over being gay? Especially straight men! As soon as you mention a story about a friend, they would actually start making faces, or come up with the most weirdest taunts about them.

It is like this great big phobia that straight men seem to be having! I mean just because they are gay doesn’t mean they want to do it with every guy!

But to be honest it is nice to know that men can feel the same kind of insecurities that girls face in most parts of the world.

But this phobia is real , and I have seen it in many of my straight friends, and I think it is downright offensive they talk about gay men! The recent suicide by a teenager over being gay due to the taunts of his friends and students of the same high school shows the fact that there is a very low acceptance of being gay in almost all parts of the world. Continue reading

Of Jerks, Idiots and Assholes!

Despite what your reactions maybe, I am just going to say it! This post IS a result of a lot of soul-searching. I say Soul Searching because for almost a week I deliberated over the fact whether I should go on and bitch like this or not, and how it would reflect upon me. But enough Soul searching. After meeting the amounts of characters (read jerks) that I have, I had no choice but to vent out in the cyberspace. But there is anther reason that has prompted me to write this.

Believe me you, but the guys are getting intelligent, and they are coming up with new ways and new lines to get you into their trap. One of the lines that sort of seem to be reoccurring a lot is how much these guys love my blog. (One jerk even subscribed to my blog for the duration of the time we were friends. He unsubscribed the minute I lost interest in him.) And since this is the new opening line I have decided to write this post so they may know that they too, will be victims of my fury like this. So future jerks, beware. Past Jerks, this is pay back! So let me – at the risk of humiliating myself in the process – reveal the latest line up of jerks in my life.

The So-Called Intellect:

I ran into this guy on a Friends FB wall.. Her status had ignited a debate and he and I were on the same side. So I think here is a guy who could be nice to talk to. The guy emails me on FB and soon he is in my list. A gay friend of mine (thank God for him) who checks my list every now and then (for obvious reasons) told me that the guy who was in the profile picture was gay. Why is this a problem? Because he is flirting all the way! So I confront him.. And then comes Lie#1.. “That is not me in the picture..that is a friend of mine..But I am sure looks don’t matter to you, so why are you making a big deal of it?” but the detective in me is on! Through a friend of mine who also works in the same office as him, I find out that no guy by his name works in the office.. HE IS A FAKE.. Lie#2: “Of course I work there, but that guy just doesn’t know me that much thats why I am sure he said that”. Enough Bullshit. I sever all ties with him, I delete him from my FB, MSN, the deal! So a few months into this event, I am checking out my FB inbox, and there is a message from a guy who I don’t ever remember talking to.. Wanna guess who was the guy? Yes, he was the FAKE GUY! Apparently he hadn’t only put some one else image, he was even lying about his name to the whole world. LOSER!

Continue reading

Of Marriage and Men!

Marriage is definitely tricky! Everyone is looking up at you. You are made to be all dressed up and then put up on a pedestal for aunties to look, and cross analysis everything from how you and your guy look together, to the last pimple that you had hoped the gazillion coats of foundation (or is it a concealer???!!) would be able to hide.

But a Pakistani so-called-made-in-heaven match (read the annoying relative of your 4th cousins husbands sister’s mother-in-law) is like a lake full of crocodiles. One wrong move, and your are KABOOSH!

I remember a relative of mine once advised me after I joined a co-ed college to never let a guy realize that I knew anything about sex, since they would get the wrong idea about me! They would assume that I have done these things that’s why I know all about it! When I shared this almost-motherly advice with a friend, she actually agreed with it. So the next time she was with her bf, she acted all innocent (read dumb) about what condoms or sex enhancer are! I, however, came to the rescue (or not) of my friend and declared loudly “What are you even talking about? You told me what these things are!”

I mean come on! Who are we kidding here? My sister knew more about these sort of things than me. Every 6th grader knows about it now. We come from a generation that has been touched by “Sex and the City” and still we are expected to continue with these charades?

Sex and the City

But the truth of the matter is that we do continue with these games. A recent discussion with a too-be-happily-married-friend left me in an utter state of shock. As she sat talking about whether to get ready-made or custom-made furniture, I suggested that maybe she should worry about the more important things about marriage, “Have you guys discussed whether you would wait to have kids or not”. Her answer was a prompt “NO”.

Life after Marriage!

It was at that point that I realized that we as Pakistani girls are mostly – MOSTLY- required to play this particular role in a wedding. We are supposed to be the dumb made up Barbie dolls, who are to worry about their little doll house then to worry about any of the real stuff that is part of a Marriage.

Another discussion with a friend revealed how they never discuss things like sex in a marriage. How when and how to have sex is the decision of the MIGHTY MEN, and girls who ask about it are considered to be out of their league, or worst, of having “experience” before their marriage.

If my educated, friend, who is marrying a guy that she liked and knew before her soon-to-be marriage, then how am I to expect that my dumb bimbo-headed 18 something neighbor, who probably didn’t even have a choice about who she marries, would ever share with her husband her choices of when to have a family, or even when to have sex?

Why is the Pakistani girl a passive person that should have no say.. or to have a say is equal to being labelled? Why can’t she say when or how to have sex?

It is not that hard to get, is it? A woman is just as sexually active (if not more) as a man! And she every right to say, “No I don’t want a family right away, so make sure you have a condom in your pocket the night we get married”

Pakistani Men… continued!

ONCE A GUY KNOWS THAT YOU ARE INTO HIM, THEY THINK THAT THEY HAVE SOME KIND OF POWER OVER YOU:-

I know that the common rumor is that most of the times guys would like the opposite sex to take the first step and initate thing, the reasons varying from “that they are not always sure” and the fact “they just dont know how to take the first step”.

It is often noticed, however, that once a guy knows that a girl might have an interest in them, they think – correction- they absolutely believe that they have some kind of power over them that they can use since the think that the poor thing is absolutely “ga-ga” about them.

Really, what is it with MEN.. why is it that they can’t just make up their mind. And considering that I like men and wouldn’t mind spending life with a nice one out of the lot…. I really don’t much light at the end of the tunnel.

The Pakistani Men.. Part 2

This is the second part of my own analysis on the psycology of the Pakistani Men. So here is my analysis number 4:

4. A GF AND A WIFE ARE TWO DIFFERENT SIDES OF THE COIN:

Most of the men in our society, and when I say most i mean 90% of the men, would want a gf that is fun, adventurous, wild, and ready for a bit of ahum ahum… but a wife is a different story.

The gf should be some one with whom they can go out to parties, to concerts, hang out, who is open minded and not an orthodox, who doesn’t follow connections. For their entire adulthood hey wouldn’t mind flirting and talking to girls that are of the above description, but for a wife they would always go for a simple, Jane next door sort of a girl.

The reason for this can be simple! For a wife they want a girl that would sit at home and do the house work, who is decent enough to be introduced to family, to give good values to the kids, because God forbid the “gf material” sort of a girl would never have any of those traits, right !!!!!

This twisting psycolgical aspect of the Pakistani men is yet to be understood! We need our own little Freud to do that for us.

Pakistani Men.. the great mystery!

They used to claim that it is a hard job to get what women are actually saying.. But I would like to disagree with that famous myth. Instead I am here with my own special thesis. And this thesis claims that it is highly difficult a job to understand men especially if they happen to be Pakistani.

There is a strange thing about Pakistani women. I would like to discuss these symptoms in a systematic manner. Let’s start with the number one issue.

1. THEY ALL WANT A VIRGIN, BEAUTY WHILE THEY CAN HAVE ONE LEG AND AN EYE:

This is not so much a symptom as a disorder. The Pakistani Men can be blind, deaf, impotent, or have no dick at all, have one leg, can be the ugliest men on the face of the planet, but still his wife has to be the version of the moon itself. She has to be pretty, petite, tiny, dependable, and ready to give it to him whenever he wants. She must a good housewife, and ready to make as many beautiful babies (read sons) as possible, be a good daughter to the mother in law and serve her husband as well as the entire family. The brides must also provide her with a huge dowry or her life can be miserable. She must bring all the comforts with her, as well as provide all the comforts for as long as she may live. Oh.. And she must also take the blame if her husband is impotent for being the one with a “Problem”

2. THEY ALL WANT TO CONQUER THE CAREER WOMEN AND WIN THE BATTLE ONE WOMEN AT A TIME BY MAKING THEM HOUSEWIVES:

The next psychological trend/disorder that you would find existing in most of the men in Pakistan is that nowadays there is a going demand for educated women. The trend is mostly due to the rising number of multi nationals, where one’s male ego is hurt just too much if their wives can’t wear caprice, and sleeveless and flirt and debate about the intellectual world around them and praise the bosses by admiring their almost nonexistent intelligence. They want wives about whom they can boost. But the career.. ahum.. that has to be stopped almost as soon as the girl says “Kabool Ha (I accept)” – our eastern version of I do. Because after all “agar tum kam karo ge to bache kon sambhale ga (If you are going to work then who is going to take care of the kids). So thus the Pakistani men can rejoice at this moment very happily as they have got one more women sitting inside the house. They have cured one more women from the sickness that is called “career-oriented” and made them be what God intended them to be. Cheers to you, Pakistani Men!

3. THEY ALL THINK THAT NO MATTER WHAT SORT OF A GIRL SHE IS, SHE WOULD BE EXPECTED TO ADJUST TO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING:

The men of this grand land, I think, give little or no importance to the background that the girl comes from. They expect that well since she is moving away, she might as well understand that it is she that would have to adjust to everyone, from the Masi (the maid) to the old-almost-but-not-quite-dead-great grandmother, who looks more like a pece of relic than a human. And I am almost certain that they feel proud about it, since they have bought the sinful image of a women to the right path. Girls coming from moderately secular houses are married off to big beards to wash the sins of their daughters and give them a Rahe Haq (The right direction…. which in most cases means the religious direction)

This is a section that is to continue.. wait for as I study more and more the psycology of the Pakistani men !