I made a promise on this blog that I would get in the process of writing everyday, and this I described as a “healing process”, a way to get better and to get over my pain. But the promise was broken by me again. For those of you who kept up with this blog, you would know about my Grandmother’s illness, and how much pain she was in.
The angel of death came for her finally on the 26th of May. On that day, she left us forever and ever for a much better place. I described what I am feeling to my family as the feeling when someone is leaving you and you don’t get to say goodbye to them, and they don’t get to say it back to them, like the break up goodbye, that particular goodbye when you know that this is it; there is no turning back, life would never be the same from this point on!
After that, I have just never felt like writing, I never knew how to put any of this in words, and I know that I am doing a crappy job of doing it right now even! But I needed to write about it. I needed to write about it because life goes on, life is going on, we are all going on and moving ahead in our lives, things are happening, good things are happening to us just like she always prayed they would!
So it becomes important for me to finally write this out! Write this out and accept that life is moving on!
But even as she left, she taught me something, typical of elders in any family.. they just never seem to be done with trying to teach the younger lot.. trying to pass on everything they could to them so that they may grow in years from the combined experience of their ages.
Her final lesson to me was that grief is never for just one thing.. that when you grieve it is combination of losses and of so many other things than just that one apparently big event. Inafact that one event creates a ripple effect and that makes your grief to multiply.
The day she passed away, I grieved about what would it now mean for us as a family, What would my dad do in the evenings now, whose routine consisted of going to her house on an almost regular basis. Would he come home early now? What would happen to my aunt and uncle and how would they live? Where would we go on weekends? Where would we meet on Eid?
And when I cried as they took her away forever and ever, I cried thinking of all these things! But she is gone, and with that she has left a huge void, a void that can never be filled, a void that would always be grieved. The void that she has left would always be grieved.
You would always be missed Dadi!