Marriage is definitely tricky! Everyone is looking up at you. You are made to be all dressed up and then put up on a pedestal for aunties to look, and cross analysis everything from how you and your guy look together, to the last pimple that you had hoped the gazillion coats of foundation (or is it a concealer???!!) would be able to hide.
But a Pakistani so-called-made-in-heaven match (read the annoying relative of your 4th cousins husbands sister’s mother-in-law) is like a lake full of crocodiles. One wrong move, and your are KABOOSH!
I remember a relative of mine once advised me after I joined a co-ed college to never let a guy realize that I knew anything about sex, since they would get the wrong idea about me! They would assume that I have done these things that’s why I know all about it! When I shared this almost-motherly advice with a friend, she actually agreed with it. So the next time she was with her bf, she acted all innocent (read dumb) about what condoms or sex enhancer are! I, however, came to the rescue (or not) of my friend and declared loudly “What are you even talking about? You told me what these things are!”
I mean come on! Who are we kidding here? My sister knew more about these sort of things than me. Every 6th grader knows about it now. We come from a generation that has been touched by “Sex and the City” and still we are expected to continue with these charades?
But the truth of the matter is that we do continue with these games. A recent discussion with a too-be-happily-married-friend left me in an utter state of shock. As she sat talking about whether to get ready-made or custom-made furniture, I suggested that maybe she should worry about the more important things about marriage, “Have you guys discussed whether you would wait to have kids or not”. Her answer was a prompt “NO”.
It was at that point that I realized that we as Pakistani girls are mostly – MOSTLY- required to play this particular role in a wedding. We are supposed to be the dumb made up Barbie dolls, who are to worry about their little doll house then to worry about any of the real stuff that is part of a Marriage.
Another discussion with a friend revealed how they never discuss things like sex in a marriage. How when and how to have sex is the decision of the MIGHTY MEN, and girls who ask about it are considered to be out of their league, or worst, of having “experience” before their marriage.
If my educated, friend, who is marrying a guy that she liked and knew before her soon-to-be marriage, then how am I to expect that my dumb bimbo-headed 18 something neighbor, who probably didn’t even have a choice about who she marries, would ever share with her husband her choices of when to have a family, or even when to have sex?
Why is the Pakistani girl a passive person that should have no say.. or to have a say is equal to being labelled? Why can’t she say when or how to have sex?
It is not that hard to get, is it? A woman is just as sexually active (if not more) as a man! And she every right to say, “No I don’t want a family right away, so make sure you have a condom in your pocket the night we get married”