Pakistan is a society full of hypocrisy. We have learnt to appear to be modern with the tight stiletto heels, and the use of four letter words.
We have mastered fake English accent, and lines. We are ready to settle abroad, and put up a mask with the help of thousands of labels. We are ready to quote and act like any of the Sex and the City characters, but at certain things we can be extremely rigid. Virginity (FOR GIRLS ONLY) is one such thing. But it is a rule with certain exceptions.
For many of the people in the West, it is basically a choice. You can make it any time you want, and then you live with it, The consequences are not so bad, that is unless you haven’t practiced the art of safe sex, then you maybe in for a joyride.
But over here, it is different. First of all, we are a confused society. What we see on the TV, we want to ape. Therefore making out, kissing, bf/gf are becoming common norms. But since as a society we are not ready to accept this, therefore what this has resulted in is having naive parents who are not ready to accept that their kids are even into these things. Therefore a secret world exists between that of our parents generation and ours. This also means that this generation of ours has absolutely no check and balance from its predecessors.
So as my generation ( me including) explore the world of relationship without any check and balance, and as our hormones continue to deceive us and start acting up, and as the world of pornography closes in on us, with the act of physicality almost a demand in every relationship, it becomes increasingly hard for us to find a source where we can go and discuss this issue with any mentor. Any advice that is given is by peers, who are just as much confused as us.
So where do we end up? If I had taken the advice of peers, then believe me I would have deprived myself of such titles as “Jannat Bibi” (Lady of the heaven) and Virgin Mary. Does that mean that I don’t struggle with that choice? Of course not. I have to struggle with it everyday. I remember the time when most of my friends were having sex right and left, they were doing a lot of favors for their bf’s, ex-bf’s and plain simple friends. BJ’s and HandJobs, alternatives for intercourse were being discove
I am your usual crazy hormone acting up kid, and thus I am not ashamed of saying that yes I do crave physicality in the form of SEX ( just in case any of you were thinking about suggesting that I should take it out by opting for heay weight boxing). But then there is always the fear that if I do it, how would I be seen by the society and more importantly by the guy I am suppose to marry one day? Would I be taken as some one who just couldn’t keep her legs close? Or should I simply do it, and the forget it?
Guys have always had an easy way out. They can simply do it, and then there is no way of finding out. We girls, however, have a lot to worry about. Besides the problems already mentioned above there is also the worry about getting pregnant. Since I do belong to this generation of youth, that have no check and balance and no source of discussing this issue, where it does leave me is some where between horny and not able to trust the miracle of Safe Sex. I have absolutely no trust in condoms, or pregnancy pills. Or it would be better to say: That till I am married, I refuse to place my believe in any contraceptive device.
What is even more alarming in Pakistan however is that girls who are 8 years younger than me have already had more than 4 boyfriends already. My shock came to me when a friend of my sister who was then only 12 ( me being 15 at that time) used to sneak out of her house after midnight to her next door neighbor/bf – a 20 year old guy. I know for a fact that they made out – hence the numerous hickeys, I also know that the show continued for several months before her parents were able to find out. The girl simply refused to listen to any advice and I know that she was also being pushed by the guy for much much more.
So back to the question: To do or not to do? A recent advice by someone wise who has seen the world, was very helpful. She told me that How big a deal virginity is for someone is simply a matter of location. For someone on the other side of the bridge like Defence, Clifton, it might not be a big deal, as compared to other areas, or it might depend on how open minded the other person is. But if there is this someone loving in your life and you do plan to marry them then maybe its okay. But your past is no one’s business even your husbands. And it would be wise not to trust them with any of your past’s secrets. And if your virginity does turn out to be an issue, then just go and get your hymen resealed.